The Do's & Don'ts Kung Magkita Mo Ni Ex
The Do's & Don'ts Kung Magkita Mo Ni Ex (Click this for the Tagalog Version)
I started the year with a Bang! I was solo traveling in Bantayan for the first time. And while galakaw-lakaw ko, my Ex saw me (thanks to my blurry eyes kay wala ko nakakita niyag una), and called out my name and started a conversation. What’s more awkward was naa iyang uyab. But I still managed to pull it off. So I decided to make this blog para kabalo na ta next time sa atong buhaton ug dili angay buhaton kung magkita ta ni Ex.
Do’s
1. Kung mag “Hi” sya, pag “Hi” pod. Abi palang bitter ka. Then say this, “Naa pa lagi kas Earth? Abi man nako you needed space. (then insert your sarcastic smile)”
2. Since she/he started the conversation, kumustaha nalang pod, ask him/her, “Kumusta naka? abi man nako’g you want to be free, nganong mura man kag nawng og piniriso?”
3. Kung mag sugat mo and mo smile sya and motagad nimo, act as if wala ka kahinumdum niya, and say "Oh, Hi! Have we met before? You taste familiar."
4. Kung medyo bitter inyong panag buwag, and motagad sya, ingna "Sorry, ingon si mama don't talk to strangers. Daghan naman gud mangingilad ron."
5. Kung makit-an nimo imong ex with her/his new uyab, use my favorite line “Mao na imong bag-o? Karaan lagi’g nawng.” Then walk away, mabugnuan/sumbagan nya ka.
6. Ask for a refund sa tanan nimong nagasto sauna, Palibre niya. Ingna nothing is for free, lahat ng bagay ay may kapalit. And ngayon, matitikman na nya ang paniningil ng isang api.
7. Kung makit-an nimo imong ex sa layo palang, (for girls) pag retouch gamay, blush-on gamay, nya lipstick; (for boys) wet your eyebrows, bite your lips, chin up, stomach in. Then walk slowly towards your ex, nya bangga-i gamay, then say “Excuse. Mo-agi ang babaye/lalaki nga imong gisayangan!” or “Excuse me, will you please move on kay mo agi ko.”
8. Kung sa Starbucks or sa any Coffee Shop mo magkita ug mo ana sya’g, “Naa lagi ka?”, tubaga og “Ingon man ka ato nga mamatay ka kung mawala ko, so nagkape ko agig pag bilar nimo. Abi man nakog patay naka.”
9. Kung magkasakay mo sa jeep, pliti og 20-peso bill, then say this, “Usa nalang na ang 20, pero malipayon ug naka move on.”
Don’ts
1. Rule number 1: Never initiate a conversation. Hangtod sa imong makaya pugngi imong kaugalingon, thou shall not estorya. Not unless sya mismo ang unang mo tagad or mo storya nimo.
2. Ayaw’g e-lingi imong ulo. Use or move your eyes instead. Remember: Ang unang mo lingi maoy wala pa ka move on and the degree sa paglingi is equal to the degree of your love for him/her still. So lingi at your own risk.
3. Never sya sundi or gukura. Dili ka stalker, ex ka. Don’t confuse yourself, okay? Dili lang mata ug heart ang magsakit nimo, asta imong tiil. So, help yourself.
4. Don't let your emotions control you, Ang kalagot, ang luha, ang kapait, ayaw padala. Act as if nothing happens, abi palang affected kaayo ka sauna. Be the bext actor/actress ina pretending role.
5. Never sya tutuki, THAT’S A TRAP. Nahulog naka sa iyang patibong before, don’t do that same mistake again.
6. Kung kuyog niya iyang bag-ong uyab or feel nimo uyab niya (kay usahay assuming ra kaayo ta), AYAW pahalata nga imong gitutukan iyang uyab from head to foot, mag self pity ra nya ka.
BONUS: My conversation with my Ex sa Bantayan
Ex: Hi Carl!
Ako: Hala. Hello. (Dugay nakaila kay medyo nanambok man sya)
Ex: Naa lagi ka dinhi
Ako: O, kay gisundan tka.
Ex: Joker gihapon kaayo ka da.
Ako: O, kay katong giseryoso tika, gi unsa man ko nimo?
Ex: haha (klarong nahilaw) enjoy ha
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